Sunday, September 19, 2004

First Post

Well, here I am. I feel like a kid on her first day of school. I have never "blogged" before, so please forgive me if I am not as smooth a writer as some of you who's postings I have had the privledge to read. I have been urged on by my husband, who has become an avid blogger, to "express myself and let my voice be heard - to become a part of this ongoing conversation between people who seem to be very much like us". To be honest, I was skeptical at first. However, I have watched what the gift of expression has done for my husband, and it has been truly remarkable. So, here I am. I am not very good at sharing unfinished thoughts -I always what them to be clear and shining like a new penny. But I know enough about my myself, and God knows me so much better than that, that I can recognize the need to push myself to precisley those placed where I am least comfortable. I will not look upon this as a jounal. I hate journalling. I simply cannot write legibly. I'm serious. I have tried. My six year old daughter can form letters better than I can. I sit there trying to write out my thoughts on paper and all those horrible critic voices come into my head and they are so appalled by my terrible penmanship they can't even speak, they laughing so hard! No, I will try to use this as a place to share some of the cool moments that just need to be shared, to express some of my ideas and opinions, of which there are many, and to participate in the conversation as it unfolds.

A short note on Plaible Steel. I am not a gushy person. I have faced down big lifesized monsters, and I am not prone to emotional outbursts. However, there are two things that can cut through my strong woman facade: Jesus, and my husband. O.K. maybe four things, if I include my children. Sometimes I forget this - but not today. Today I was reminded of just how quickly my heart of steel can be penetrated. This morning my husband was playing a song on the stereo as we were getting ready for church. I really like this time of the morning because, while I am putting on my mascara, I can't really sing along - I just have to listen and sometimes, I have learned, listening is a good thing. The song was this beautiful tune and the lyrics were about how everything we have is a gift from God - the very breath we breath being a gift from Him - and the singer was expressing this intense desire to turn all of those gifts around and pour them back on to God because He is so amazing. It sounds simple now, but at the time the truth if these words just struck me. It kind of cut through me - straight to my heart and suddenly I was crying and Chris was hugging me and he laughed and said " I love that you love Jesus so much". I laughed too. First, because now I had to start all over on my mascara, and second because in these moments I am reminded of just how great God is. He made me strong for many good reasons, and I am grateful for those strengths. But He also knows exactly how to reach me. Without my knowledge or consent, He somehow made me plaible enough to be reachable, and his persistance in this endeavor is what saved my life. Things that are strong and brittle will break. Therefore, if something is to be truly strong, it must be plaible enough to be moved when the time comes. Jesus can move me. And it is a good thing, even if it messes up my mascara. ie, the name Pliable Steel was the first thing that came to mind.